Just Friends by Dyan Sheldon

Author:Dyan Sheldon [Sheldon, Dyan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780763697211
Publisher: Candlewick Press
Published: 2018-09-06T16:00:00+00:00

Nothing is without its drawbacks, of course. Thorns on roses. Seeds in oranges. The challenging shell of the coconut. The drawback to hanging out with Jena at her house is her father. The General makes a habit of answering the door. It may be that he is always the first to greet visitors and salesmen, but Josh takes it personally. The General never stops sizing him up, asking questions he knows Josh either can’t answer or will answer incorrectly. That he isn’t a fan of Merle Haggard, for example; that he doesn’t know how to change a tire; that he has read Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States. When Josh said his mother couldn’t recommend a good butcher because they’re vegetarians, the General smiled triumphantly. “I should have known.”

Tonight Jena answers Josh’s knock. He glances into the living room, but there is no large man in a baseball cap looming behind like the threat of nuclear disaster looming over the world.

“It’s okay.” Jena shuts the door behind him. “Dad already left.”

“Really?” Josh follows her along the hallway and into the kitchen to get the snacks. “Does this mean he’s decided to accept me?”

Jena laughs. “Not exactly.” Her back is to him as she takes something from the counter. “What he’s decided is that his daughter is safe with you.”

“Because he finally realized what a nice kid I am?”

She turns around, holding two plastic bowls and wearing a smile admirers of the painter Leonardo da Vinci would recognize. “Because he thinks you’re probably gay.”

“Damn it.” He knew the General’s small talk was all trick questions. “It’s because I’m not into football, isn’t it? And because I don’t eat dead animals.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s not from the Stone Age. He knows you don’t have to be gay to be vegetarian.” She hands him one of the bowls. “It’s because you’re so different from what he thinks is a normal guy.” She opens the fridge and takes out a bottle of soda and a bottle of water. “And so that’s the explanation he came up with. If he believed in UFOs he’d think you came from another planet.” She hands him the water. “And I didn’t even tell him you don’t drink Coke.”

She orders pizza and they move into the living room.

At least partly to change the subject from his deviant dietary habits and disinterest in competitive contact sports, he braces himself for the worst and asks her how her date went, silently begging that it was less successful than the maiden voyage of the Titanic.

“OhmyGod! You won’t believe it! It was really bizarre. Tilda couldn’t stop laughing when I told her.”

Maybe God has moved over to Josh’s side. Or at least stopped pitting Himself against him.

“I mean, it was way better than this one guy I went out with who not only finished my hamburger platter for me because I put my fork down for like two seconds but couldn’t stop talking about his sailboat. Not for a single minute.

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